Dear,

You don't understand my reasons. And you never will. Because you don't really want to.

The problem with the best mortgage borrowing rates is that they're always capped - or fixed with or without redemption tie-ins. Sure, you can sometimes eat out on first time buyers or variable discounted rates (if max Lowest Taxable Value is what gets you excited) - but you never even began to grasp what my needs were.

I like instant access. You never gave me that. I was ready to go all the way without even a set interest interval. But you couldn't make the commitment, could you. I would have agreed to compromise - if you'd been prepared to trade. We could, say, have spent some time enjoying mini cash ISAS. But no, no - for you it had to be tessa-only or guaranteed income bonds. What do think that did to me?

There's a huge difference between my needs and my desires. It's a gap you could never finance. Think about it. Think about it a lot, you bastard.

You say you understand my revulsion. That's bullshit. You never really tried to. When you went into her offshore account (gross) it was the beginning of the end for me. Jesus, you just cannot expect me to ignore that. You said we'd Bed and Breakfast some shares on 5th April in order to to realise a gain which could help us exhaust that tax-free allowance. Remember? Yeah - of course you do. What you omitted to add was that the gain had to come in under the limit. I'll never forget waking to find myself liable for Capital Gains Tax. I lay in the bath for hours - trying to get the dirt off me. But I still don't feel clean. And I don't know if I ever will.

Love? No, no, no.